Crossrail, aka the Brexit Line, has been delayed again as costs spiral out of control. Chris Grayling’s mighty hand of death lingers over the project, irrespective of any real involvement.
Crossrail must be completed, insisted Transport minister Dai Version. “Get it done, do or die, boyo,” he lilted Welshly at the news conference where the delay was announced. “We put it in our manifesto!” he sang in a rich tenor.
LCD Views’ Ghost Train correspondent took issue with this statement. “The Brexit Line is going nowhere fast and costing huge and unnecessary sums of money,” he said. “Isn’t it time to cancel it?”
“Oh no LCD bach,” he replied cryptically. “We will get it done by 31 January, come what may, no ifs, no buts. And I’m not going to ask for another extension! I would rather die in a ditch!”
Which is convenient, since Crossrail is just one dirty great ditch under London.
Crossrail is an East-West line which goes under London, avoiding the capital and the necessity to change trains. It is, effectively, a quick way to travel between Slough and Southend-on-Sea. The stimulus this direct link will provide is worth every penny, says Version.
“Slough has jobs but no people,” he trilled, hitting the high notes with consummate ease. “And Southend has people but no jobs. Linking the two is a no brainer! You’re welcome. Iechyd da!”
Crossrail has run into almost every imaginable problem. Typically none of these problems was addressed before construction was given the green light.
“Well, some problems were anticipated,” admits former Transport hotspot Chris Grayling. “But these warnings of doom and gloom were dismissed, quite correctly in my view, as project fear. Nothing that has happened since has changed my opinion. Crossrail has absorbed scarce funds and turned us into a laughing stock. In my book those are the criteria of success!”
It also explains why it has been nicknamed the Brexit Line.