LCD Views There and Back again correspondent has received news this evening that a fellowship of plucky civil servants have begun walking barefoot to Mount Doom in Brexitdor to dispose of the redacted sections of the Brexit impact statements.
“One referendum to bind them and in the Leaver darkness to bind them,” our correspondent whispers huskily.
“Each redacted page or paragraph or even word has this statement inscribed by magic elf fire on the paper. This has been scrunched into a powerful circle by the shit wizard Davis before he commanded the civil servants to go on their mission.”
It’s believed the servants are under a certain amount of time pressure to reach the erupting mountain and toss the edited out sections in.
“They have Keir Starmer on their tail too. He’s a proper Gollum, well some days. And most shockingly of all, a half rate wizard who inherited his magic via a mystical bank account called Rees-smegg.
It’s possible they may be caught and forced to hand over the papers and then God only knows what will happen should they fall into hands that will just show everyone what they already know!”
LCD has heard also from some rather unhelpful critics of shit wizard David’s strategy who have suggested that if he was that serious about keeping the reports secret from the dark alliance of parliamentary democracy he could just have called some giant eagles down to take them to Mount Doom a damn sight faster.
“They must be joking. A giant eagle would probably cart wizard Davis off and drop him into Mount Doom instead! Giant eagles don’t really do contempt of parliament.”
We wish the civil servants all the best.
It’s unlikely any of them will carry on and reach Mount Doom if they actually stop and read what they hold in their hands.