LITTLE LORD FAULTSAREICH : The Lord of Darkness is coming under increasing pressure today to explain why he hasn’t furloughed his perennial employee of the month, racist rabble rouser Nigel Farage.
While millions of British workers explore the parameters of life within four walls, in the interests of protecting themselves and people they don’t know, the Brexit Party CEO has been out with a film crew screaming at beaches. All in the desperate hope someone fleeing war and persecution may wash up while he’s there.
Oh. The. Humanity.
Global Britain – remade in Farage’s image because a sizeable chunk of a generation of politicians and media didn’t have the guts to fight back against far right nationalism.
Makes you proud to be British.
“Nigel is an essential worker,” a source inside Hell told LCD Views, “as such he isn’t eligible for the government’s furlough scheme. And besides, the sum available would hardly allow man of the sheeple, Fuhrarage, to live in the style to which he is accustomed.”
And critics of the critics have pointed out that now is not the time to criticise an ageing spleen pillock who has made a career promoting xenophobia and historical amnesia.
“Put yourself in Nigel’s shoes,” one suggests.
No. Definitely not.
“His whole schtick is demonising the people who are right now deciding to work without sufficient PPE, thanks to having a UKIP government in all but name, and those people are dying saving natural born Englishmen. It’s a bit of a sticky wicket. So he’s decided to bat through in the hope of still being at the crease, or the beach, when conditions improve and gammon rage is once again in fashion.”
But it’s likely that the more irrelevant Farage feels the louder he will shout at the ocean. Not even a pandemic appears able to stop non-furloughed Nigel continuing in his quest to bring the U.K. low. Maybe it’s time he realised the country is at breaking point and did us all a favour and went back home.