Covid-19 accused of not following the science

WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF EXPERTS: Health Secretary Matt Hancock has blasted covid-19 for not behaving in the correct manner. It has continued to infect people, despite the government’s best efforts to restrict its progress by opening pubs, shelling out huge amounts of money on ancient spreadsheets, and flouting its own regulations.

The post of Health Secretary is a poisoned chalice at the best of times. And Hancock perseveres knowing full well that Boris Johnson is the one who poisoned it.

Johnson himself is caught in his own web. Like covid, he had failed to follow The Science, which advised a short, sharp lockdown to control the spread of the virus and identify sufferers. Now Labour is suggesting he does precisely that. So Johnson must choose between proving himself an uncaring liar, or agreeing with Keir Starmer.

Devil? Deep blue sea? Nobody knows which way Johnson will go. Except everyone knows he will never agree with Starmer on principle. Johnson is quite possibly contemplating the disappearing act performed by runty little no-Mark Francois.

What does covid have to say about all this? Nothing, that’s what, and the silence speaks volumes. It’s a damning indictment, in that it refuses to defend its indefensible behaviour. However a couple of rogue viruses were discovered in a car, having travelled from London to Barnard Castle, despite The Science telling them that it was safer to go to the pub.

“I was only testing my eyesight,” claimed the first virus, slightly shiftily.

“Blimey! A talking virus!” responded its partner.

So that’s completely clear.

The publicity this event has generated has led to a second wave of viral infections. Meanwhile The Science is being changed like a nappy, and waiting for the next load of bullshit and a painful rash.

We have reached an amber light at tier 2 level 4 where R is more or less than 1, which means stay home, stay safe, check, change, reboot. Or not, if you don’t want to. Stay alert.

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