David Cameron seeking treatment for recurring nightmare in which he is Theresa May

WAKE UP SCREAMING : LCD Views Karma correspondent has seen smuggled patient files from a west London therapist’s office that suggest David Cameron is seeking treatment for a recurring nightmare in which he is Theresa May.

“It all began just after I took the heavy responsibility of running away from Brexit.” Mr Cameron is said to have revealed.

“I mean, you would have to be a moron to think you can make a success of it. It seemed the best possible decision in the country’s interests was to go into hiding, so people could remember me how I was before June 23rd 2016.”

It seems initially this decision left Mr Cameron feeling incredibly relieved, but it didn’t last for long.

“But then the nightmares started,” He is said to have gone on, “every night it’s the same dream. I find myself staring at a cabinet that has taken me prisoner and are asking me incredibly threatening questions like, what should we do about the Brexit?”

The nightmares are said to have become so severe David is unable to put them out of his mind while awake.

“You know it’s horrifying. I’ll be at the podium giving a speech for thousands of pounds to some people who have paid to hear me talk about leadership and I’ll see my reflection in the glass, you know, they always give you water, and Theresa May is staring right back at me.”

Apparently therapists have advised that a potential cure is to follow other political leaders who have screwed it up, like T-Bone Blair and Nick “Damn it” Clegg back into the fray of political life to try and undo the calamity that is Brexit.

“I can’t do that. I won’t. It’s not fair. So many people still believe me to have been a good prime minister. How will they feel if I become tarnished with Brexit? They might never recover their faith in politics.”

Therapy is ongoing, with the hope that in the fullness of time, David will find a way to make peace with his inner demons and get a good night’s sleep.

“I earned it you know. I really did. I put the caring back into the Conservatives. Just look at all the food banks we opened for the hungry. Hopefully in time I’ll come to view myself as other people do.”

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