LCD Views’ political health correspondent has breaking news this morning that a top member of the Labour team has been injured in a fight with a unicorn.
“Shortly after 6am this morning the leading light of the party suffered wounds described by emergency responders as incoherent gouges sustained while attempting to wrestle a unicorn to the ground on an upland plain over which the sun was breaking.”
It’s believed Ms Thornberry was sent to capture a unicorn after Keir Starmer failed to return with one in a special magic free trade horse carrier.
“Emily is top drawer. You saw how she took out that disgraced Conservative lest Fallon on that chat show? The great leaders believed if Keir couldn’t bag us a unicorn than she could.”
But it seems the unicorn had other ideas.
“She is believed to have a approached it with a photograph of workers and made a humming sound to calm the mythical beast, but it turned on her and stamped its hooves.”
Ms Thornberry is said to have charged the animal abruptly, once she saw its nostrils flare, and grabbed it by the horn.
“You can’t grab a unicorn by the horn and expect to come out unscathed. It’s believed they wrestled for several minutes and Emily did have the creature on the ground, but it’s superior fable power enabled it to comfort out of her grasp and gouge her in her credibility before romping off over the horizon.”
It’s believed Labour have no plans to relent currently on the unicorn chase, although maybe any day now, who would know? You tell us?
How many more Labour MPs with enough credibility across the political spectrum to capture the centre ground and potentially swing a general election will be sent on unicorn hunts before reality is bowed to by the leadership?
No news yet on whether or not the broken sun can be repaired.