There is a buzz inside the Westminster bubble this evening with news that ceremonial prime minister Theresa May is to call a snap general election in order to increase her negotiating strength with the DUP.
“She’s shrewd,” a BBC journalist who is said to know a lot about politics commented, “this will catch Arlene Foster and her handful of MPs completely off guard. The EU will be thrown into a tailspin too. We have to keep them off guard. Sooner or later they’ll just agree to whatever half baked nonsense the PM turns up with, just to make it all stop and go away.”
It’s believed the election will be held as soon as this coming Friday so that the Maybot will hold in her hand sufficient strength to force the DUP to agree to whatever last minute, make it up as you go idea May and her crack team of brains come up with next.
“It’s strategic genius of the quality we’ve come to expect from Downing Street,” the BBC journalist gushed, reading off a prepared script faxed over from the PM’s office, “to pretend the Brexiters know how to square the circle of the border issue while sticking to the red lines the deep thinkers behind Brexit demand. If only everyone would just trust everything will be alright we could get on with making up a success of Brexit.”
If all goes to plan the Conservatives will hold a minimum of a hundred seat majority by Saturday and it won’t matter how much money the DUP offer to pay back to the Tories to be in coalition again.
“Arlene won’t know which way to turn. Clearly extricating the Tories from being bossed by the DUP is the most important issue now for Britain’s future.”
People suggesting the DUP are doing to the Tories what the Tories are doing to the entire United Kingdom are asked to check their privilege at the door and align their priorities with Theresa May as she makes a success of DUPxit.