Tory Policy Advisor and former heavyweight boxer George Freeman has resigned. This latest blow has left Theresa May punch-drunk but somehow still standing.
Freeman, who also moonlights as a grill salesman, is jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire of reforming the Conservative Party. This story has been simmering away for some time, before boiling over earlier this week.
He recently issued a stark warning to May’s government that Brexit risked turning the UK into an old folks’ home that can’t pay for itself. In other words, after Brexit the country could well be a bit like the House of Lords.
It is natural to conclude that Freeman’s resignation means that his warning was ignored. With so much at stake (medium rare, with onions), anyone predicting burnt offerings is being frozen out.
Freeman has, in the past, warned that the Conservatives are failing to attract the younger generation. To this end he organised ‘GlastonTory’ which was every bit as successful as it sounds. Young people are now flocking to ignore the Tories.
One barrier to youth appeal must be the Young Conservatives. It is rumoured that, in order to join the YC, you must undergo an initiation ceremony. Among the alleged required rituals, you must burn money in front of homeless people, and perform unspeakable acts upon a pig’s head.
Freeman’s constituents seem unconcerned. Typical opinions coming out of Mid Norfolk can be roughly sorted into three categories. Firstly, it’s OK, he still has the grill business on the side. Secondly, a muttered “It’s normal for Mid Norfolk”. And finally, who the dickens is George Freeman?
May has now received so many blows to the head that there is a real danger of brain damage and dementia. If only she could afford to pay the fees at the old folks’ home…