Dominic Cummings to hold Rose Garden press conference and just laugh at SNP MP

SPAD GONNA SPAD : THE UK’S RULING UNELECTED BUREAUCRAT, Dominic Cummings, is to appear in the 10 Downing Street Rose Garden again today to hold an emergency press conference.

At the time of going to print a marquee is being set up in the garden to shelter the tyrant from the persistent rain, just in case he catches a cold. The now traditional card table and folding chair will also be present.

“Dom is not going to say anything during the press conference,” a 10 Downing Street source informs, “he won’t say a word.”

What he will do if he doesn’t talk has already become the subject of fevered speculation within the Westminster bubble, who don’t have anything better to talk about. Definitely not in depth coverage of all the glaringly obvious downsides to Brexit.

In fact one six figure salaried, senior BBC political journalist has suggested via Twitter that “he’s going to mime the entirety of Sun Tzu’s ‘The Art of War’. It will be incredibly hard to understand. A hard rain on anyone’s comprehension of the art form.”

While a perpetually confused ITV correspondent has chipped in with “even without words his disarmingly smile and loving glow will hold the country in raptured single focus”

But LCD Views is better than those much better paid amateurs and we can give you the scoop right now.

“He’s just going to laugh at the SNP MP who broke Coronavirus laws and is now being forced to resign. What a muppet. Unelected bureaucrats carrying on bureaucrating unelectedly. We don’t resign. You worms. Mwahahahaha.”

Which should make it clear to all exactly why the country is where it is with Covid-19.

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