Dominic Cummings to leave Downing Street after job of ‘Mayan Priest ensuring good harvest’ came up

DOMOLYPTCO : They say all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but they don’t say that about blog svengali Dominic Cummings.

“He maybe leaving 10 Downing Street the moment the Brexit whirlwind hits, entirely as predicted by anyone with half a brain cell, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be idle,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views.

“And it won’t just be editing old blogs to predict that Remainers would sabotage his glorious bird of Brexit, each flap of its wings in 2021, he’s got a new job already lined up.”

And the new job appears to be that of a religious functionary. A high priest. A zealot capable of excluding all contradictory evidence from their eyes.

“They say do the work you love and now that Dom has finished dismantling the modern state, and set the UK on course to disintegrate, he’s going to reward himself by making vocation and vacation one entity.”

The actual job is believed to be that of “Mayan Priest Overseeing a Good Harvest” and is described as a “post for someone who relishes human misery, but is always mindful of the need to ensure next year’s crops are plentiful.”

The work will involve a variety of costume changes and moments of high public exposure, which will suit Dom down to the ground.

“Not to mention the screams of the mere mortals as he raises the obsidian blade over their chests.”

Yes, not to mention that.

But why, after all he’s done over the last few years, why doesn’t Dom just have a good ol’ rest and enjoy the smell of cinders, and the ashes of Brexit?

“There is no rest for the wicked,” the source explains, “I thought that was obvious?”

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