NEWS FROM THE S-BEND : Former President of the Americas Donald Trump has some spare time on his hands these days, what with only legal, financial, marital, health and political problems to contend with. So he’s found a new project to keep himself busy.
“He’s standing to be Mayor of London,” an aide to the Orange Skinned Shitgibbon told LCD Views. “Not many people know this, but Donald Trump is more popular in London than he is in Narnia.”
The news of Mr Trump’s official entry into the Mayoral race of England’s capital city was made earlier today via his Twitter account.
“The timing of the announcement is no coincidence,” the aide told us. “He saw that younger version of Farage is standing, the failed actor who failed at music? What’s his name? It doesn’t matter. It’ll be on the ballot paper. And he saw Piers Corbyn is standing and that absolute fake news merchant Bailey someone. He thought why not me? It’s like a cosmic event of bellends. The gravity is drawing them all in.”
But while Drumpf’s candidacy isn’t a complete surprise, given his popularity levels with bottlers of English urine, some suggest there maybe an ulterior motive.
“The current U.K. government loves Russian money. Donald Trump loves Russia money. Donald Trump needs a lot of it. Some suspect he’s just following his nose. And with Britain Trump and his latest girlfriend making Downing Street look like a special kind of entertainment palace, Mr Trump will feel right at home.”