MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN : BREAKING NEWS TODAY AS THE TEMPER TANTRUM OF DONALD TRUMP’S END OF REIGN TAKES A SURPRISING, AND HISTORICAL TURN INTO SILENCE.
“Shortly after midnight Donald Trump’s Twitter account fell silent,” our White House correspondent says, “and it wasn’t because he had been sedated with just the biggest dose of Calpol and put to bed with a clean nappy, as suggested at the time by many.”
The reason for the silence was the President seeking the protection of law enforcement out of a concern for his safety, now he has lost the most powerful office in the world.
“There’s no suggestion he has sought to protect his family,” our correspondent continues, “although it is believed he may have taken his favourite Melania lookalike with him, along with a supply of Big Macs.”
Why the President would seek protection is not yet clear and we will not spread fake news hypothesising on the subject.
“This is truly a world first by Mr Trump. Richard Nixon sought a pardon and left office with as much dignity as he could manage, in the end. But most wrongly expected Mr Trump to be dragged out kicking and screaming at the very end.”
How long Mr Trump will stay in protection isn’t yet clear and will probably depend on the attitude of his creditors, both visible and shady, to his debts.
“But let us be clear. This is a world first by Mr Trump. He has become the first serving President of the United States of America to enter the Witless Protection Programme, after spelling Witness wrong on his application form.”