The Ministry of Defence was in an apologetic mood today after accidentally warning of an incoming visit from Donald Trump.
“He’s an unguided missile,” a spokesman for the MoD explained, “even before he was inaugurated we were setting up an early warning system. Just in case.
It was based on the premise that a weak and clueless prime minister would rush to embrace the orange monster, driven to by an isolationist political agenda, fuelled in part by xenophobia and a lot of ignorance, so it was clear holding hands with Trump would be on the agenda. He’s the perfect moral match.”
It seems the alert, accidentally issued via a megaphone gaffer taped to the top of an armoured personnel carrier, had the people living in the village of Bumbleberry-on-Sty freaked out.
“It was only a test of the system. The volume was supposed to be set to one on the dial, not all the way to eleven.
We’re very sorry for any alarmed caused. Although that’s what alarms are supposed to cause, of course.”
The one compensation of the alarming mishap is that it has proved the system does work, even if it interrupted the lock in session at Bumbleberry’s only pub.
“We were tempted to run the live test in central London, as it’s thought necessary to prepare the population of the capital for the sight of APC’s on the streets once the Brexit riots begin. It’s a good thing we didn’t.
We’re not sure Thames Water is ready for how Londoners would have reacted had they been informed, while a majority of the population was drunk, of the threat on an immediate incoming, unguided missile.”
”It’s good to have an early warning system to alert people to any incoming visit from this POTUS,” LCD’s defence analyst said, “We won’t get any extended warning as he’s too scared of people turning out in their millions to tell him to bugger off. I suspect the Queen is very glad she’ll get at least a few minutes warning that it’s finally time to abdicate!”
Testing of the system continues. If you hear the alarm broadcast you are advised to go outdoors and be ready to peacefully, democratically, quietly protest.
So, so quietly, as quiet as a mouse.