The impasse over the American funding measure led to a bullish response from President Trump. He insisted that it was business as usual.
So confident was he, that he hastily put a suit on over his golfing outfit to pose on the Oval Office. “Everything is just fine,” he tweeted. “Just putting a few calls into some very good friends. The spoilsport Democrats will never stop me playing golf. Sad.”
A White House spokesman confirmed that the President’s attitude is that golf is not a matter of life and death, but was far more important than that.
Having got his priorities right, Trump toddled off to thrash Tiger Woods, leaving a trail of formal dress behind him.
Meanwhile, sports commentators are latching on to a whole new cliché. “Every sport, when there is a lull in proceedings, will describe this passage of play as a Democrat Shutdown,” explained cricket analyst Eaton Cakes. “Indeed, the MCC is considering its use as the new name of cricket.”
The worlds of rugby, snooker and Formula One are equally excited. Indeed, during a Grand Prix, the entire race in between the first and last laps will now be called a Democrat Shutdown, enabling fans to legitimately spend race day in the pub.
Meanwhile, the Shutdown has been resolved, at least for now. Since one effect of the Shutdown was to stop salary payments, the Democrats have relented sufficiently to allow them to be paid. Having made their point by exercising democracy, they now refuse to bear the responsibility that comes with it.
The Republicans made their way to the golf course to celebrate this victory. “Hitting a little white ball into a hole is a fitting metaphor for government,” said senator T. Off. “It’s all about getting around quicker than the other chap.”
At least we now know what MAGA stands for. Make America Golf Again.