Downing St : Job category of PM downgraded from “serious, full time” to “whenever”

I’M JUST HERE FOR THE FOOD : DOWNING STREET has issued urgent clarification today after ongoing questions from traitors over the prime minister’s work ethic.

“He’s fulfilling the job criteria to a T,” a source inside Downing Street told LCD Views, “he’s not required to do any work and he’s not. If you have a problem with that you need to read the revised job spec for PM.”

It appears the category the job nestled in was revised in late March, at the same time as the downgrading of seriousness of CV-19.

“Look, let’s stop pretending, everyone knows Boris is just in it for the shits and giggles, perks and applause. It didn’t seem sensible to keep putting so much strain on the man. Ghastly bit of fate that soon after saying ‘take it on the chin’ he took it on the chin. We need to avoid his mouth and actual events conspiring so neatly together. So we made the appropriate changes to what the role of prime minister demands, at the appropriate times.”

And patriots can be reassured that none of the perks and benefits of the job have changed, the prime minister will still be on full salary with benefits, regardless of the hours he works. Whether or not he notices.

“It’s the ultimate zero hours gig at the moment,” the source continued, “which just shows how clever Johnson is and why he’s the right man to lead the country through the crisis his administration arguably made much, much worse. Do you get to live like a king? No. So shut up peasant.”

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