Downing Street advises fishermen to retrain in cyber

HOOK LINE AND STINKER : Everyone knows that technology lessons can give you an advantage in the competitive modern workplace, and why should fishermen be any different?

As concern grows for the future of the United Kingdom’s remaining fishermen, post Brexit, the government is keen to offer them two pence of advice.

“I have to correct you there, it’s just two pence,” a Downing Street aide told LCD Views, “but once the fishermen have stopped moaning about not being able to fish and enrolled at a Nightingale Tech School they’ll be rolling in both pounds and pence.”

And the new Nightingale Tech Schools are opening at inland locations across England.

“We all know what technology lessons did for the career of the prime minister,” the aide continues, “he was just a lowly mayor when he decided to hire an American girl with a pole to teach him how to turn himself off and on again. And look at him now! Most fishermen already have poles. They’re halfway there.”

But not everyone may want to retrain in cyber.

“That’s why we’ve opened Nightingale Ballerina Schools too. Given the French will let artists into France for 90 days visa free, I’d say the canny fishermen will be retraining as ballerinas and then sailing themselves into French waters without all the hassle and red tape faced by a continental attempting the trip in reverse.”

And while that fishermen turned cyber whizz is waiting for their first job as a ballerina in France they will have all the skills needed to sail the Hogg seas of cyber.

“The government employs thousands of catfish already to help promote its policy platform across social media. Retrain in cyber today and you won’t have to tell stories of the ones that got away, once you set yourself up with a few Union Jack flags and a love of veterans and animals on Twitter!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *