Downing Street announces “constituents whose MPs can not vote will no longer pay tax“

TPA DANCING IN THE STREETS : Downing Street has moved to get alongside the furore over Jacob Rees-mogg’s celebrated reforms to voting procedure in the House of Commons.

“From today any constituency whose MP has been disenfranchised by Jacob’s Corn Laws will no longer pay tax,” a Treasury spokesman announced.

“And additionally, we will backdate refunds of all PAYE and VAT already taken to return money to voters which has arguably been taken unjustifiably since MPs, who could vote, took part in the complete farce our supposed democracy has become under the Brexiters.”

It’s not clear if the money will be wired directly into constituents’ accounts or a cheque will be put in the post.

“Mr Johnson’s personal preference is for the cheque to be in the post,” the spokesman added, “but he’ll have to clear it with Dom first.”

It must be said however, that the equanimity with which the voting changes have been received by MPs as a collective, wherein masses of colleagues have been denied their right to actively represent their constituencies in the most fundamental manner required of a functioning democracy, shows that Brexit is functioning exactly as designed.

No memorials for U.K. democracy are yet planned, because the lobotomisation of parliament is still ongoing.

The constituencies which have been stripped of democratic representation are likely to see a rash of new voter registrations too. Backdated to last week.

“People should note though that the payments will be a few weeks away,” the spokesman added, “as we need to allow time for Tory MPs to register in the afflicted boroughs, in order to receive the refunds. And for the ideal company to be found to be gifted the massive private contract which will be needed to ensure a successful scheme is in place.”

Democracy, are you missing it, now it’s gone?

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