CULTURE WAR! UH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR : THE RACE TO PARTIALLY VACCINATE THE UK IS ON, and it’s important that no one is forgotten.
To this end Downing Street are getting their priorities right, as supplies of the vaccine are currently limited, so now that the most famous pandemic rule breaker, Stanley Johnson, is fully jabbed up, it’s time to protect other historical relics.
“We need to protect our history from those who would properly understand it,” an aide to Robert Jenrick, Secretary of State for Pork Barrelling, told LCD Views. “To this end we are straining every sinew to protect the statues of famous British slavers. Every though they don’t have any sinews themselves.”
While the vaccine roll out itself is going ahead well, because it’s being done by the NHS, with some measure of political interference, the task of vaccinating the statues has been left to the experts.
“It wasn’t easy to find a Tory donor to give the statue vaccination contract to, but in the end we did, we found several of them. All have received multi-million pound contracts and all are rolling in it.”
And thanks to the fast actions of government the statues will now be safe from the virus as it is today, and whatever it inevitably mutates into tomorrow as the government stuffs about in the pandemic.
“Protecting our history has never been more important,” the aide adds. “Especially in the current climate when we are busy rewriting it. If the slaver’s statues topple, calls for reparations may follow, and we won’t stand for it in bronze or marble.”