POWER NAP ACHIEVEMENT AWARD : Downing Street is under pressure today to reassure Global Britons that their PM is not asleep on the job.
“Although some have suggested it may be better for all concerned if Mr Johnson just slept until the next election, I can confirm that he will not be getting a wink. Unless he’s undertaking scheduled napping,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Those cosplay outfits don’t choose themselves you know.”
The confirmation that Mr Johnson is not sleeping will bring relief to some, who wonder how he gets any sleep at all, in consideration of what he’s responsible for.
And there is both further clarity and understanding in the statements. Especially regarding the immediate collapse of the fishing industry the instant Brexit happened to move from the realms of fantasy and into reality.
“That can be explained by the contents and bold print detail of the Brexit deal Mr Johnson agreed with the EU. Good thing he has sovereign power over trade! Imagine how much pork he will sell to China? How much cheese to Japan? And all without any knowledge of detail. That’s a very stable genius.”
But as a final point of joy for anyone concerned about snags in the new IT systems Britons, and those wishing to trade with them are having to use, the spokesman said the following,
“Mr Johnson wants me to ensure you realise that he didn’t sleep a wink during his famous technology lessons. But he had a bloody good kip right after the climax of the lesson each time.”