Downing Street confirms it is waiting for Marcus Rashford to act before U-turn on grades

A STAR TURN : A DROWNING STREET source has confirmed today the preconditions for a U-turn on the A Level grading fiasco.

“We’re waiting for significant public disgust to show up in our private polling and focus group studies,” the source told LCD Views.

“We only care about our own survival. About clinging onto power to transfer the wealth of the state into the offshore bank accounts of our mates. It’s all pretty straightforward. Make us nervous about our hold on the reigns and we’ll flip. This is across the board. It’s your not so secret weapon.”

And the possibility of a flip on the grading is likely?

”Yes. We’ve detonated a dirty bomb across the whole electorate, regardless of how you voted. It really is impressive. Of course if we don’t do a U turn it means you’ve collectively given us the green light to carry on treating you all with total contempt. So make your choice.”

But aren’t you concerned about alienating an entire generation who are just hitting voting age in England? How do you think they’ll vote at the next election?

“What election? If Trump is able to steal the upcoming US election than there won’t be free voting here either.”

Still, there’s the possibility of survivor’s guilt among the youth who have benefited from the biased algorithm. Aren’t you concerned you could turn some of your target demographic off? How will that impact you at the next election?

“I refer you to my previous answer.”

Finally, what do you see as the potential tipping point with this crisis? The moment you would nudge signals you can’t just ride it out and must do an about face?

“Marcus Rashford. If he gets involved we’re toast.”

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