BORDERING ON INSANITY : EVERYMAN MICHAEL GOVE has appeared today to speak to lesser humans about his plans for Kent, once the Brexit transition period expires at the end of this year.
“They’re going to have a lot more sovereignty than the rest of England,” Mr Gove asserted, in what some took as a tacit admission that Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland would be leaving the UK. Along with Gibraltar. Now Kent. And presumably at some point Cornwall. Devon. Sussex. Norfolk. London. Manchester. And well, the rest of it.
“And to express the unique position of Kent in England the good people of Kent will be issued with passports,” Mr Gove continued, “this will allow the truckers to prove their eligible to dog in Kent. It’s unclear yet what the cover art will be, but I suspect it will feature parked trucks and not a horse. We are talking to the public about this right now. Interest is very high. Many would like the Kent national anthem to play when you open the passport. Like a novelty greeting card. Which makes a lot of sense.”
The consultation period over the design of the special Kent passport is expected to end on December 30th, leaving more than enough time to produce the new passports for the new year.
“I expect at some point Boris Johnson will take personal control of the design process,” Mr Gove went on, “right now he is mocking up designs with empty wine crates and kid’s paint.”
But while the cover art is still up for grabs the colour of the passports is already settled.
“Burgundy. Clearly. As anyone possessing them will have more freedom of movement than anyone without one.”