Downing Street confirms ‘The Great Wall of Kent’ will be built from abandoned HGVs

WHO NEEDS AN INTACT COUNTRY ANYWAY : DOWNING STREET have moved today to beat back the brush of accusations regarding their failure to plan for any future beyond tomorrow’s news cycle.

“We’ve made lots of plans for Kent,” an alien in a Gove meat suit said, “I personally have spread myself exceptionally thin all over Kent. The clean up will last weeks.”

But what specifically they intend, other than the surprise result of Kent being in a different customs territory than (*checks notes) the rest of England, hasn’t been made public.

“I can tell you now,” the alien manthing said (wet lips, really wet lips), “it’s clear Kent is going to need a wall and no one is going to pay for it. But the magic is they don’t have to. We’re going to build the wall from a ready supply of raw materials that will be found all along Kent motorways. And in concrete monstrosities that used to be fields with trees.”

And it’s not portaloos, dumped like unwanted dogs in fields.

“The Great Wall of Kent is going to be built from the carcasses of abandoned HGVs. They’ll be stripped by foraging Kentians first, as the wires and other bits can be sold to buy soup. But the metal frames will stack very nicely one on top of the other. I suspect the wall will be ten metres high in some areas.”

And the advantages of all this are self evident.

“We’re going to have to hide Kent from view so the rest of England doesn’t get advance notice of just how much we’ve screwed it all up, until we come for you too.”

Countycide, with a little bit of profiteering on the side. Go Conservatives!

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