MAGNUS PUNGIT : THE WESTMINSTER BUBBLE IS IN A SATISFIED FRENZY THIS MORNING after Boris Johnson’s nickname was finally leaked to the press.
“Shortly before 6am this morning an aide walked out of the famous front door at 10 Downing Street carrying a wad of A4 papers under their arm with the top sheet plainly visible for the waiting cameras,” our Westminster correspondent reports. “As the cameras flashed the revealing leak was captured for all to see.”
And it wasn’t hard to determine what the message was.
“Boris Johnson’s nickname with the staff is Little Boot. That’s exactly what it said.”
The nickname itself reveals much about the prime minister’s style of governance and future direction of travel.
“It is especially fitting because yesterday he made one of his favourite horses a senator,” our correspondent continues. “Unelected bureaucrat LORD David Frost becoming a full cabinet minister is one of the cherries on the Brexit cake. This is what is meant by take back control.”
It’s believed Mr Johnson will continue in this throbbing vein and is shortly to make mentioning a goat in his presence a crime punishable by a beating with an iron stick. He will also be ordering men with thicker hair to shave it off.
“He will also, like his famous namesake, order a bridge built purely to satisfy his ego, regardless of the cost to the poeple, and continue to dress up in outlandish costumes, just because he can. Actually governance appears to be nowhere on the list. But drinking dissolved pearls at his lavish banquets is already happening.”