Downing Street : Public inquiry into pandemic to be held via referendum

STRONG AND STABLE INFECTION RATE : Downing Street have bowed to pressure today to hold a public inquiry into the catastrophic extent of the pandemic in the United Kingdom.

Reassuringly, everyone registered to vote can take part as the powers that be take the view the country has still had enough of experts. The inquiry will take the tried and tested form used to solve complex problems in our Great and world beating country. It will be a referendum, just like the EUref one.

“It’s going to be a referendum yes. A once in a generation decision that will settle things for decades to come in an amicable way,” a Downing Street source confirms to LCD Views. “This way it can be held in a day and the country can move forward.”

Curiously though, a leak from Whitehall suggests the ballot paper only offers two choices and both of them are the prime minister.

“Some critics have said we should have placed an order of preference on the ballot paper. Boris Johnson, Rishi Sunak, Matt Hancock etc. Oh and other members of government such as Tim Martin, Rupert Murdoch, the PM’s mistress, Dominic Cummings and the last Labour government. We do see merit in that, as governance is a collective act. But, we believe it will be simpler for everyone to move forward if it’s solely blamed on Boris Johnson. The buck stops at the top after all.”

No date has yet been set for the inquiry to be held. Reports suggest though it will be five minutes after Boris Johnson has been driven from government and the results announced by Michael Gove.

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