DO AS I SAY : DOWNING STREET AREN’T WALLOWING IN THE DOLDRUMS of adverse press coverage (by traitors), they’re on the front foot and looking to fight back.
“We’re ramping up,” Matt Hancock, the self-inflating balloon of UK politics, declared today, “we are determined, now more than ever, to identify the Tory MP rumoured to have observed the lockdown regulations.”
The reason for the increased focus on the effort to test, track and trace the mythical MP is believed to be the press coverage of Bob Seely MP, who broke lockdown to BBQ with some of Britain’s finest potatriots.
“When we find the MP, and he, or she, must exist, we will be isolating them. We will make an example of them. They will be the doing the 5pm daily CV-19 press conferences, whether they’re dripping in the sweat of possible Covid-19 nor not. They’ll be declaring what a great job YOU, THE BRITISH PEOPLE, have done swallowing the BS of us YOUR BETTERS. They’ll carry on until they’re blue in the face.”
We here at LCD Views would like to wish the government success in its latest endeavour. It can’t be easy achieving total compliance from the public after “Cummings’ Law” entered the common law.
But like the Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, Edwardian Garden Faeries and Unicorns, the one Tory MP who put the public first and didn’t make an entire sham of a nation’s efforts must exist. And when cornered they must be isolated, presumably to be laughed at by their colleagues in private.
In other news, the new CV-19 slogan has been modified to “STAY ALERT – A BBQ INVITATION MAY COME AT ANY TIME. EVEN DURING LOCKDOWN.”