Downing Street ready to deny existence of Kent in event of No Deal Brexit

OPERATION BLIND PRAT : THERE HAS BEEN MUCH IN THE NEWS recently about preparations for Global Britain’s trading future, once the mighty lion of global trade is free of the failing EU.

“Most of the media attention has been focused on what happens to Kent,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “which is odd. It’s not exactly a preoccupation in Downing Street. We got Brexit done. Did no one tell Kent? Should we send a runner down?”

But focus on Kent the powers that be now have to as they fulfil the democratic decision of the British people to destroy Kent.

“First off we’re going to wall it off,” the source shrugged, “presumably they grow their own food down there? They’ll be alright. They can always turn to cannibalism. Once we’ve walled it off with those lorry passes we move onto the next stage. Operation Brock [misspelling – should be Operation Broke]. Jam the roads up so the peasants can’t march on London and revolt. It really will be very simple.”

And then what?

“Oh, once Kent is a lorry carpark full of screaming Brexiters who didn’t know what they were voting for, then we move onto the next stage. We deny its existence. We’ve never heard of it. Next subject please.”

But won’t people notice that Kent is missing? Won’t they be concerned by the disappearance of Kent?

“Nigel Farage was allowed to reign as the King of Thanet for years,” the source said, with another shrug, “If we gave even half a shit about Kent we would have put a stop to it. Besides, Dom has a mate who prints geography books. Denying the existence of Kent will be a real moneymaker [for Dom’s mate]. We’ve thought of everything [they have?].”

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