Downing Street reveals plan to compensate people who can’t get Covid-19 tests with Spitfire flyby

IS IT A BIRD IS IT A PLANE : DOWNING STREET HAS RESPONDED to LOTO’s unpatriotic criticism of its world beating, ramped up Covid-19 testing regime.

“We will be compensating those people who can not get Covid-19 tests,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman said, “and it will be patriotic. Just like a long drive through the English countrycide is patriotic.”

What form the patriotic compensation will take isn’t clear.

“It is clear. Fake news media! It will be a Spitfire. Not a Spitfire for everyone of course. That sort of money is only spent on PPE contracts for aides of Liz Truss. It will be a flyby. That’s how we do things in Global Britain.”

One flyby or individual ones for each citizen who has been unable to book a world renowned test?

“A group one clearly. We’re not made of money. People will be given a location, some Union Jack bunting, a signed copy of Boris Johnson’s Churchill biography, and asked to drive to the right place at the right time. Much like they would have been had they been able to get a Covid-19 test. In this way they will still feel involved in the patriotic mission to defeat Covid-19.”

What’s the short list of locations under consideration?

“Oh, there’s no short list. This is an example of your government levelling up. As such there’s only one place that could possibly be suitable. And importantly, has the green space required to accommodate hundreds of thousands of people together.”

Banard Castle?

“How did you guess?”

Is this a test?

“Yes. And it’s the only one you’re gonna get.”

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