Downing Street says reports of a Tyrannosaurus Rex rampaging in Devon are “exaggerated”

DON’T GO OUTSIDE JUST DON’T : MASS CONFUSION at the heart of UK government today after reports of a TYRANNOSAURUS REX rampaging in Devon.

The confusion appears to centre on the question of “Why Devon?”

“Dominic Cummings’ underground bunker is up north. So why Devon?” our pseudo science correspondent asks, which isn’t much use, as they’re supposed to solve riddles, not raise them.

But under pressure to provide further details a Downing Street ‘source’ wasn’t giving much away.

“Wales can have goats, why can’t Devon have a Tyrannosaurus Rex?” the source shrugged, “we’re not going to do anything about it from central government. We’re too busy wracking our brains for what’s a plausible reason not to take part in EU schemes to tackle Coronavirus, and other beer related sicknesses.”

Local police however aren’t taking the matter lightly, with reports that an officer who was standing outside a Tesco Metro with a megaphone shouting at people who are even thinking about buying an Easter egg, has been “repurposed” to confront the giant primeval chicken, and demand to know if its journey is “essential, or are you flagrantly breaching the conditions of the half baked lockdown enforced after even Johnson couldn’t ignore the tide of sick and disgust lapping at his door?”

It’s not clear how much damage the creature has caused yet. Nor whose secret lab it has escaped from.

One thing we do know for certain is that it is at least safe from pseudo-science, lethal, eugenics fetishising public health policies like “herd immunity”, as there’s currently only one Tyrannosaurus Rex once you discount the inhabitants of both 10 Downing Street and the White House.

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