HOW MANY ABBOTTS DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE A VILLAGE : DOWNING STREET HAS NOT BEEN IDLE SINCE APPOINTING TONY ABBOTT to do a role he has proven to know pretty much nothing about.
But given that he’s going to be working with Liz Truss, not knowing anything is clearly a plus.
And while some detractors have suggested, unfairly, that the appointment is just the latest little step in the graft of Brexit, others have said the move is just to ‘wind up the libs’. Either is clearly a benefit. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
“It’s true we [Brexiters] don’t have any actual achievements to point to, yet,” a Downing Street source admitted to LCD Views, “but to expect any is to miss the point of our movement. Feudalism requires an international coalition of the willing to reassert itself. Tony Abbott is the perfect Australian to help with that. Especially as he’s not completely Aussie. He was born here. Do you know they call him the Mad Monk down under? He’s perfect.”
But what exactly will he be doing? Will he be paid by commission earned on trade deals?
“No! Ha! What? He’ll probably be paid in PPE contracts. Omg. You guys. How naive! We aim to make the UK a Global Village. And what does a village need? It needs an idiot. We can’t expect to become a world class global village unless we attract idiots from all over the world to our village. Tony ate an onion raw once on camera. He’s a perfect fit. He will fit in seamlessly with Grayling, Raab, Johnson, well the list is long. It’s a tangible benefit of Brexit. We’re Global Britain! One day we’ll be allowed to use a fork!”
In other news, a village in Australia has today posted a sign asking for a new village idiot…