Driver of PM’s security detail ordered to drive to Barnard Castle for eye test after Westminster car crash

MAGOO LIMO SERVICES 4 U : Rumours are swirling within the Westminster support bubble today over the identity of the driver involved in yesterday’s Westminster car crash.

“There is no suggestion that the prime minister was driving the car,” a 10 Downing Street source said, off the record, and without prompting, “the blood alcohol level of the driver must at all times be zero. Not that there is any suggestion the PM attempted to drive drunk at PMQs yesterday. Even though he may (or may not) personally believe he governs better after a few glasses of Dom.”

But in spite of what, on the surface, seems an unnecessary denial, speculation continues to bubble under the surface, and the bubbles continue to pop.

“Government by car crash is very apt,” our own Westminster bubble watcher comments, “as everything this government does is a car crash. It’s been that way since 2015, and in many areas it’s been that way since 2010. So it’s nice of them to get it on film.”

Other suggestions that Prince Phillip was the driver have also been dismissed.

But whether or not any disciplinary action will be taken is not clear, as it’s always possible it was Dominic Cummings at the wheel.

“Nothing will happen if it’s Cummings,” the Downing Street source added, “he is above reproach in all matters. In fact it was clearly a test of the structural integrity of the security vehicle.”

But there is an additional rumour that “just to be on the safe side”, the nameless driver has been ordered to drive to Barnard Castle today, regardless of their CV-19 status.

“They’ll go there for an eye test, wee in the bushes, and come straight back.”

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