Electoral commission orders GE2019 re-run after discovery unelected bureaucrat elected prime minister

HEAVY IS THE HEAD WHO WEARS THE BEANIE : THE ELECTORAL COMMISSION has ruffled feathers at the 10 Downing Street vulture party today by ordering the 2019 General Election re-run.

“We will comply fully with the direction from the Electoral Commission,” a source at 10 Downing Street said, “just as soon as we stop laughing.”

The reason for the re-run appears to be a mistake on the ballot papers issued at the time of the general election.

“People assumed they were electing Boris “Al to his friends” Johnson as prime minister, by virtue of electing him the parliamentary representative for Ripoff and Useless. But instead it appears the actual candidate was Dominic Cummings,” a spokesman for the EC told LCD Views.

The news will come as no surprise to anyone with a passing interest in Westminster politics.

“Given the way Mr Cummings appears to be dead set on dismantling the British state as we know it. The eyewatering waste of public monies on vanity projects – a feature of the Cummings’ premiership the hard right US money funded think tanks are bizarrely quiet over – and the general incompetence of Mr Cummings, we feel it is only fair for the British people to have their say once more. Even if that sort of thing is now old fashioned.”

LCD Views welcomes the order from the Electoral Commission. Furthermore we believe the 2016 EU referendum should be re-run, regardless of the legal status of the country’s current relationship with the EU. Just so people can read on billboards the correct information about their voting choice.

“Let’s take back control from Brussels and give it to a prat who claims he goes driving for eye tests. Oh and spaffs every penny the Exchequer has up the wall owned by his mates.”

Choose well Global Britons. Your life is at stake. And speaking of stakes, you probably want to have one handy when Dom calls during the GE, as it’ll likely be at midnight and he won’t enter your home without an invitation.

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