SCANDALOUS : Famous fisherman’s friend Nigel Farage has confirmed he is to launch a new EU focused, limited political company called ‘Rejoin’ the minute the UK has left the EU.
“The very fact, no, no, let me speak,” Mr Farage said to a silent room of reporters, “the very fact that the UK is leaving the EU on EU time and not, and I want to make this absolutely clear, not on GMT just shows how bungled Brexit is. Heaven help the British fishing industry when the Eurocrats get to do exactly what they want with proper, British water and British fish and we have no elected representatives at the table! It just shows that the current government is not committed to Brexit in any serious form at all.”
It’s believed a key plank of key plank Farage’s argument for immediately rejoining the EU is that whatever Brexit is delivered by Mr Johnson will not be a ‘proper Brexit’.
“Who will be the boss?” Mr Farage wanted to know, “a proper Brexit would see the EU begging at the British table. But no. No. We will lose all say on matters as wide ranging as fish to the flammability of flags. Will the UK’s currency be in roubles or dollars? Chinese yuan or a mixture of all? Will pound sterling still be legal tender for a halibut or a sole in Dover? A proper Brexit would have answered these questions before departure.”
Rejoining the EU to do Brexit again, but properly this time, will of course allow Mr Farage to both stay on his favoured gravy train and keep his permanent seat on BBC Question Time.
And Mr Farage has received support from surprising quarters in the governing Conservative Party.
“Once we’ve walked out the door they’ll see what they’re missing,” Tory powerbroker David Davis commented, before belching, ordering drinks for everyone, walking into a door, tying his shoelaces together, staring at a pair of tits chirping in a shrug outside, and finally recovering his famous reality free bonhomie, “rejoining the EU, solely in order to Brexit again, but to Brexit it correctly, that deal, it will be the easiest deal in history. The EU will be eating out of our hands. Which will possibly be more than any of us will be doing.”