Farage to spend day shouting at Brits returning from Spain to go back where they came from

FAILED HUMAN STATE : HUMAN SEWER, NIGEL FARAGE, is rumoured to be looking for which beach to stand on to face off against thousands of unwanted immigrants expected to hit the shores of Blighty any day now.

It’s well known the UK is full and it can’t take anymore pressure on its health and social care systems, in spite of the sterling efforts of the Johnson government to lessen demand over the last year. Just one look at the estates of the landed gentry alone, and the mass of unoccupied properties in the country, confirms the fullness.

Foreign money doesn’t use London property to reputation wash itself just to have to rent it to whinging Poms coming back from Spain. Or anyone for that matter.

“Bog off we’re full!” someone claiming to be an aide to Mr Farage wrote to us in Cyrillic, although we have helpfully translated. “That’s the message Farage is going to send to these bloody immigrants, coming over here, expecting us to speak their language and sell their food. It’s not on. They’ll probably order beers in foreign too. Dos cervezas, por favor, or some other silly language. It’s not on. SPEAK ENGLISH.”

The immigrants raising Farage’s ire are of course the Brexit voters who now have to return from Spain, having failed to apply for residency in time.

“There are some English that Mr Farage is very keen to remain in the EU,” the aide added. “It’s the ones that are going to be bloody angry when they realise they can still get their daily fry-up, but forever now it’s going to be in the pissing English rain! They may even blame Farage and he’s not having it! Avoiding accountability for the disasters that result from their grifting is what populists do best”

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