ALWAYS READ THE FINE PRINT : THE ERG are said to be on the warpath after someone read the fine print of the deal agreed between Johnson and the EU, and told them what’s involved.
A key cause of outrage appears to be the agreement between Johnson and Brussels that Yorkshire Puddings will be renamed Brussels Puddings from the 1st January 2021.
“It’s essentially an exchange of hostages,” an insider involved in negotiations on Planet Zaarg told LCD Views, “with Brussels sprouts now Yorkshire sprouts, Johnson had to give something back as a show of good faith.”
But all is not lost as the deal is up for review in a few years time, and any facets believed to be detrimental can be discussed again.
“To be frank Johnson has no intention of sticking to the agreement. He just couldn’t be bothered dealing with the truck crisis when he was supposed to be getting hammered for several days solid between Christmas and New Year. Hard to see why the ERG are so upset. To be honest. Which none of us ever are in Downing Street.”
But what about red wall voters? Surely they’ll see the renaming of puddings as a great outrage?
“Look, Boris can claim next year the EU tricked him and continue trading on manufactured outrage. It’s all very neat.”
Any other surprises in the deal?
“One by one you’ll see how you’ve been played,” the insider smirked, “but you’ll have less power over the outcome of the deal than Wallonia. Which has the PM splitting his sides! Ha! Besides, wait until you next buy British fish and chips and have to read the accompanying literature first which explains how it’s derived from European origins. The red tape is just beginning. But you’ve got your sovereignty back.”
But shouldn’t Downing Street find out what voters in Yorkshire think? They will now have to refer to that stable of the English Sunday roast as “Brussies”.
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about them. The prime minister doesn’t.”
Certainly sound advice which every area of the U.K. can take as a guide.