The High Church of Brexit, Britain’s new official religion, has registered its first martyr. The first priest of the Church has been defrocked because he gave a sermon without using either CAPS LOCK or excessive random punctuation.
The defrocking was carried out by the Head of the Church, the Irreverent Nigel Farage. The unfortunate priest was dragged in front of the Irrev Farage’s sacred barstool in the St George & Dragon pub in Kent. “WE DONT WONT CROSS DRESING NANSYS IN ARE CUNTRY?!!/,” read his defrocking speech. “THIS IS INGLAND,,,,,ARE INGLAND,,,IT SNOT RITE’!11$%”
The priest, who has not been named, has been made a sacrificial lamb to the cause. Parents are reminded to name their children, to prevent such an incident re-occurring.
The Church is gradually updating its Scriptures, so that the commandment “Thou shalt not murder” remains in place – for now. The defrocked priest has instead been made to run around the Garden Of England in just his Y-fronts, since no fig leaves were available.
In the course of the inquisition, it was also discovered that the nameless priest bought The Guardian, used French communion wine, and, worst of all, attempted to explain precisely what Brexit means.
He is to be cast out into outer darkness, where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. The precise location is unknown, but it is believed to be in post-industrial Lancashire.
The Church of Brexit will not tolerate love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The response of the Irrev Farage demonstrated this. Hatred, fear, war, intolerance, unpleasantness, faithlessness, violence and knee-jerking will henceforth be known as the Fruits Of The Brexit.
Farage, his work done, procured another pint of Olde Random Bluster and continued in prayer and contemplation. Well, shouting at the football match on the large screen TV, while his subjects scrabbled in the bins outside for morsels of leftover food.
His Irreverence has issued a proclamation, to be read out in all branches and franchises of the Church of Brexit. It reads: YUO SHALL HATE UR NAYBUR,,,!? THAY SHUD GO BAK WERE THERE CUM FROM??!,!