TOUGH ON FISHING AND THE CAUSES OF FISHING : George Eustice is in the news a lot lately, mostly lying his arse off, as he tries to stave off the disaster his boss Boris Johnson has caused in the UK’s fishing industry. But he is not alone anymore.
No less a heavyweight than Home Secretary Priti “lock ’em up” Patel has weighed in to assist with the struggle to save the fishing fleets from the rocks of global trade.
“This is a welcome helping hand,” an aide to George “Useless” Eustice told LCD Views. “The Home Office is extending the British citizenship criteria to European fish stocks. This will help ensure only British fish are caught in British waters by British fishermen using British fishing nets cast from British fishing boats. It will mean there’s even more British fish for Britons to eat. And with that much British involved there is no reason why this isn’t an exceptional and world beating move.”
The joining forces of the Environmental Secretary and the Head of Incarcerating Desperate People Fleeing War Zones Using British Munitions Secretary will mean it is guaranteed now that the future of British fishing is secure.
“Any European fish that can’t answer basic questions about British life and culture such as ‘Who was the Archbishop of Cantebury in 1456?’ will no longer be allowed to be caught. They will be told to aboutface and swim back to France. Clearly British fish won’t be asked the same questions because bugger all will know the answer. But that’s not the point.”