IDEOLOGICAL PROPHYLATICS : EDUCATION WUNDERKIND Gavin Williamson has set himself in the trenches of the culture war against the wrongheaded forces plaguing our great nation that believe you shouldn’t keep up statues of slavers.
He’s there on the front lines of the ideological struggle to keep Britain grating. With his bayonet like mind and the whip he keeps on his desk, just for photos, not because he’s trying to convince the Tory boys and girls that he’s kinky enough to be in their club, he will take the fight to the woke.
But in spite of his valiant efforts to threaten to sue Greenwich Council last year just because the soft underbelly of our society thought sending teachers and students into school with the virus raging was stupid, some are still unable to see what they face in Gav.
“Stop talking to me about vaccinating teachers,” Mr Williamson is expected to tell a press conference later today. “They’ve had nearly a year off. They should all be well rested and ready to get back into the work place. I know this because I am an education specialist who did his time as a second rate fireplace salesman. The attitude of teachers is a bigger scandal than the perfectly sensible policy of saying schools are safe, even while teachers were catching Covid.”
But Willy knows where the threat lies really and he’s ready for it.
“The mighty powers of science marshalled together by Global Britain have developed vaccinations against the pandemic, but that’s not why I’m here today. Shortly 10m students and nearly 1m staff will return to schools in England and we have to be ready for the struggle to win the hearts and minds of the future. We will win this not by vaccinating teachers against the physical virus, but by inoculating those soft layabout lefties against Communism. That’s where the real threat lies. If we don’t act swiftly our children will grow up asking about rebellions and plagues in India in the time of The Raj. And it’s all downhill from there to hammer and sickleville.”
And how is Gavin going to vaccinate teachers against the red menace?
“I have a spider,” he will remind everyone. “I have a spider.”
Are you ready for it? Ready to save capitalism by sacrificing your life to teach fronted adverbials to plague ridden eight year olds in person? If you’re ready Gavin is ready for you.
*terms and conditions apply, it’s not certain everyone will survive.