NOTHING TO SEE HERE MOVE ALONG : A 10 year old girl in Surrey is believed to be the UK’s latest multi-millionaire after being awarded a lucrative PPE contract by the government.
“The child had the foresight to set up a limited company before launching her homemade lemonade business last week,” a Downing Street insider told LCD Views, “this was fortunate. It has allowed the relevant minister to use their discretion and award the child the contract uncontested.”
While some are querying the child’s suitability to handle such a large order of PPE, the government points to the fact that while retailing her lemonade she has been wearing a mask, occasionally, and has what appears to be hand sanitiser on the fold up table on which she is displaying her drinks.
“Critics are just jealous of young Corruption’s success,” the insider went on, “typical of the lazy to be envious of those naturally equipped for success. The fact the girl’s father is an old school chum of a serving minister has nothing to do with her success. It’s a very British success story. We should revel in it. After all, success means success.”
Inquiries at Companies House do appear to show everything is above board. The company, “Home Made Lemonade” has £5 in assets and its chairman owns a substantial share in a company which advises on the best way to avoid tax, via complex webs of offshore accounts.
“I expect the next time you hear about Corruption she will have a massive property portfolio,” the source went on, “assuming she times well the return of the profits from the PPE contract from her complex web of offshore accounts. Wait for the housing crash Corruption, and then reinvest.”