TAKING EU FOR GRANTED : Sources inside the EU27 have confirmed today they will offer high functioning team player, the UK, another extension to the Article 50 process because they don’t know what they’ll do without us.
“Seriously, we’d have all this empty diary space to fill,” an aide, said to work closely with Angela Merkel, told LCD Views, “we’ve so little to be getting on with on the continent.
“If we didn’t have to dedicate day after day to the English nationalist psychodrama of Brexit what would we do with ourselves?
“The migrant crisis has pretty much solved itself, thanks to Trump taking care of the Middle East. Climate change is just a hoax. Russian meddling in EU elections has been ended with new elections in Austria. And so on. Really, it’s just Brexit. Without that, we’re pointless.
“Likewise the individual EU27 heads of state. So many evenings before the Brexit warm up period began, they’d just be at home in the evenings, twiddling their thumbs, flicking through TV channels to find repeats of Fawlty Towers. But now, they get to live it.
“I can’t tell you how excited they are to get the call now and then, just as they’re putting their slippers on and sighing, quick! Quick Emmanuel! There’s another emergency summit about the British.”
Clearly the failure to either end Brexit, or do it, is a great boon to home and office relocation services too. They’ll remain busy for years, just so long as Article 50 keeps getting extended and Brexit is never ended.
And the sentiments were echoed inside Downing Street.
A Downing Street ‘Source’ said, off the record, but somehow anonymously on it, that “Brexit warm up, endless pre-Brexit, is all Boris Johnson has. If it actually happens he’s completely stuffed. There’s no way him or any of the other pig ignorant cockwomblers currently in government could handle it. Similarly, if Article 50 is revoked and Brexit goes away, they’d actually have to try and run a government. What a nightmare scenario. They are not qualified for that. But playing off the prejudices of Daily Mail readers forever? They’re in their element.
“This latest extension suits us just fine. And the one that will come after it.”
Which is probably the only true thing the Downing Street ‘source’ has ever said.