COSTA DEL NO : British prime minister and world LEADER, Boris ‘Al to his chums’ Johnson is to send a sternly worded rebuke today to all of Spain.
LCD Views has been given a copy of the letter by a Downing Street source and can exclusively reveal some of the contents.
“It comes to a pretty, date I say petty, pass in the long friendship of our two nations when Brits are banned from the Costa del Sol, but Germans can just waltz right in, for no good reason at all. Other than a trifling discrepancy in CV-19 experiences, which are easily explained by the most cursory examination of varying use of statistics.”
And that’s not all. There are a lot of barely relevant classical references, which we have decided not to reprint so as not to spoil the surprise for Spain.
The banning of Brits is especially unfortunate given that “Her Majesty’s Government is set to relax social distancing further in the U.K., the better to allow Conservative MPs to resume their extramarital affairs.
“Can Junker just sail his yacht to Mallorca now with mistresses in tow, but Montgomery Filliby-Sax-Generouswaffle-Bunting-Pax-Romanica can not? This will not further Spanish interests in the looming unilateral, post Brexit, trade talks.”
It is certain that the great people of these islands will stand shoulder to shoulder with the robust stance of the prime minister. We will not be bullied! The people dying in their hundreds daily from CV-19 are in British hospitals, not Brits in Spanish hospitals. There is no good reason at all to ban Brits.
But it’s not all troubled waters. In a further boost to British morale Mr Johnson will threaten to hold the 2020 beach towel to sun lounger championships in Dover, with the competition broadcast across Europe. And we will say NO PADRE! NEIN GERMANIA! When desperate Europeans demand to compete.
And in a further example of the strategic genius of Downing Street, Swedes will be allowed fo compete, seeing as their government also followed the fearless “kill all the weak” public health policy with Covid-19.
Costa Del No? So what? Drink your own Corona! Brits are happiest at home this summer!