Rumours were swirling on the back pages of the terminally ill red tops today that the Russian oligarch owner of an English premier league team is considering changing manager.
The problem appears to be ongoing differences over strategy. We asked our only sports correspondent for more.
”It’s to do with the unceasing run of score draws. You don’t spend billions on sponsorship and coaching and media strategy just to watch 0-0 week in and week out.
Not to mention the endless bans for accumulated red cards being handed down to players that cost millions a week to the British economy.”
All that aside, the team is still top of the league.
”But that’s because the only current team capable of mounting a challenge keeps its best players on the bench each week and fields ten defenders and the goalkeeper.”
So the worry is if the challlenger gets a new manager first, one with aggressive strategy, the inherent weaknesses will be exposed?
”Think about last time they played? The winner scraped over the line 1-0 in extra time, in spite of being down to eight men.
All their best players are currently out injured.
They’re having to field a team largely composed of people near retirement who play with anger alone. Their youth squad can’t recruit. It’s a joke.
Any rising stars they do have tend to get caught out in betting scandals.
Like the one who got caught attempting to funnel team secrets to a foreign military’s team. Wtf?
It’s a complete shambles. You tell me how they’re managing to scrape draws every game?
They should be smashed down to the bottom of the league and unable to escape relegation.”
Presumably the manager’s stated intention to pull out of the Champion’s League in Europe and focus on the domestic league must be causing trouble too?
”Actually no. That’s the one area of strategy where the manager and the Russian oligarch owner completely align.”