First Brexit, now CV-19. The UK has seen some very choppy waters in recent years. Now Labour wants to Steer the UK into Calmer seas. Labour’s new slogan promises to Make Politics Boring Again.
Steer Calmer is the phrase on everybody’s lips. No more floundering in the muddy waters of Lake Corbyn, no more desperate struggles to hitch the bandwagon to HMS Boris Johnson. Instead we are expecting oil to be poured onto the UK’s troubled waters.
This is a distinct change from the current Prime Minister In Hiding, whose instincts lead him not to pour oil on troubled waters, but to build a bridge over them instead.
This is the moment that lefty snowflakes have been waiting for. The Left may sometimes have better policies, but the Right usually has the better slogans. No slogan is better than a bad slogan, and Steer Calmer is not too bad as these things go.
A slogan in itself cannot create ventilators out of thin air, or bring harmony to international talks. But, by soothing the people and the economy, maybe the good old Magic Money Tree will be tempted to bear fruit.
Naturally, the world’s media all wanted to Zoom in on the slogan from the safety of their bedrooms. “Steer Calmer means Steer Calmer,” began the slogan, promisingly. Hundreds of eager hacks jabbed frantically at their bedside laptops. “It is an honour to be the new slogan of the Labour Party. New Labour, new slogan!” This was terrific stuff. Keyboards up and down the country were seeing action on a Saturday morning for the first time in decades. “My first priority is to preserve the NHS. And not by boiling it with sugar like my predecessor. I will un-jam the health service!”
The connection collapsed like the promise of free broadband, as every hack tried to ask a question at the same time. The virtual press conference was dead in the water.
Now there is only one thing for it. Get Boris Done.