ARE WE STILL DOING THIS : The Conservatives have thrown another lure in the electoral waters this weekend by making another promise they intend to keep.
“I can promise you we are going to keep lying,” Mr Soul Less, MP for Confusion, told LCD Views, “in fact if we win the GE this week, we’ll have so many promises to keep, that we have no interest in keeping, that we’re going to have to get properly industrial with the lying. Just to meet demand.”
It’s believed the industrialisation of political deception will be a boon for the economy, and will easily replace the automotive sector in share of national output.
“We’ll export the lies too. We’ll bloody have to, there’s going to be so many of them stacked up across the country.”
And good British children are expected to share in the bounty.
“No British child will be more than 15mins away from a Boris Johnson lie,” Mr Less continued, “once we get our majority and pass the executive power grab on page 48, then we’ll ban protest and any message contrary to the Downing Street ‘sources’. But this won’t lead to a loss of income for the country’s billboard owners. We will plaster them all with lies. This way patriotic British children skipping to school, or for a day in the workhouse, they’ll see them all.”
To show the intent behind the child focused policy Mr Less unveiled another policy.
“You may have heard Ms Morgan waffling on about football pitches this weekend? As if that’s what we need to spend hundreds of millions on? Well, we do, having forced state schools to sell off all their playing fields to buy basic educational supplies. But to make the football pitch policy come true we will convert every food bank into a football pitch. And then we’ll force the little blighters to play for food.”
Global Britain. Unleashing its potential in a way those who voted for Brexit back in 2016 never imagined.