Government advises wearing face masks now one of Cummings’ mates is selling them

BEHIND THE MASK (allegedly): Government advice changes so quickly it is hard to keep up sometimes. But now there is hard and fast guidance. Wearing a face mask in public is to become compulsory, ever since Dominic Cummings revealed to Boris Johnson that one of his mates is distributing them.

How quickly the mask of public decency has been stripped away. The public are expected to mask up, and pay through the nose to do so. Meanwhile, any pretence that this is not a blatant means of cashing in on the covid crisis has gone.

At least it is out in the open, along with gatherings of no more than six people. PPE money is being directed into phantom companies whose directors are connected to Cummings and the government. Money is being spaffed on apps, oddly enough developed by Cummings’ associates, that don’t work, There is no end to the rush to stick snouts into the trough for possibly the last time before No Deal Brexit empties it for good.

“I’ve known Dom for a long time,” admitted PPE seller Fay Scuvering. “In fact at school he was my boyfriend for a while, but I found him to be too controlling. We stayed friends though, in as much as Dom ever has friends. I think he rather admired my talent for stealing the first years’ lunches then selling it back to them at inflated prices.”

This is a talent that must come in very handy during the current fraudocracy.

“Indeed,” agreed Scuvering. “I get my old mum and her isolated friends to make face masks out of old bits of cloth. Then I sell them to frightened hipsters for £25 each, or more if they are stupid enough to cough up. Mum thinks I’m taking them to the local church and the food bank, the silly mare.”

Crisis, what crisis? It’s just another opportunity to make a profit. Your money or your life! Or both, of course.

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