Government investing in enough PPE to cover their arses

We are doing everything we can, claims every government spokesman. Yes, indeed, they are doing everything possible to evade any sort of responsibility for the way this crisis has been handled.

PPE is vital equipment to cover yourself up, in order to protect yourself from external harm. It is important to stay safe in these difficult times. This is why the government is straining every sinew to keep themselves from any possible harm.

“We will make sure everyone who needs PPE will get it,” claimed Health Secretary Matt ‘puts the cock into Hancock’ Hancock during the daily dissembling session. “At the minute, that means us, in government. We need to cover our own backsides, so that none of the toxic atmosphere affects us, and we can carry on the business of not governing the country as usual!”

It’s good to know that our leaders have a finger on the pulse. Even if it’s only the pulsing vein in Dominic Raab’s forehead.

By toxic atmosphere, we assume Hancock means the anger surrounding the way the coronavirus crisis has been mismanaged. Empty promise has followed empty promise. Tales abound of small British firms offering PPE, masks, ventilators and the like to the government, to be met with resounding silence. Maybe they just accidentally deleted all their emails.

Instead, while there is a desperate need for health professionals to have the correct protective equipment, the government’s priority is to cover it’s own arse.

This is nothing new. Ever since Brexit, we have suffered blatant misinformation about, well, everything. The government has taken the least possible action at every point, unless it has been to deflect criticism and stage manage the news.

“We are making herculean efforts to protect ourselves,” Hancock continued, while Downing Street wonks made herculean efforts to prevent any journalists asking questions. “This is good news for the people who matter, the people who are vital to the future of this country. Therefore there will be compulsory applause next Thursday evening for all the brave, hard-working cabinet ministers.”

Stay home, stay safe? It’s a cover up.

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