Government reveals flag to be flown over “free ports”

TAX BREAKS AHOY : The United Kingdom’s government is now captain of a buccaneering, free trading, red tape slashing, stolen Man o’ War of global trade and they want everyone to know it.

Part of the great break out is the ability to let their donors and backers do whatever the hell they like when it comes to tax and all those pesky rules and regulations that are just so boring, and really only lead to a slighter smaller offshore bank account and a functioning democracy.

“This is why we are establishing the entire U.K. as a free port for the world’s freebooters,” a swaggering source at 10 Downing Street declared. “Jam the matches into your beards and light them! We’re off to conquer the rules based order! Arrrr!”

The decision to declare openly that the country is now into piracy chimes nicely too with the decision to encourage smuggling across our borders.

“We don’t want to be bringing in customs checks and all that pernickety nonsense. It’s why we intend to unilaterally not do it, no matter what the staid old empire across the sea says. Fill your boots me hearties! Then walk right into Blighty!”

But just in case anyone hasn’t gotten the message of what the shiny new brig of Brexit Britain is about on the rolling waves of global commerce, one more signal is being sent up the main mast.

“The Free Ports won’t have to fly the Union Jack. Not that they could what with them all being in the living rooms of Tory MPs. No. Free ports will fly a much more traditional banner to declare we are open for business. The Jolly Rodger! The skull and cross bones! The black and white flag that will strike terror into Brussels! Way ho and off we go! What do we do with the drunken sailor? We make him prime minister!”

One thing is certain as the U.K. begins its buccaneering Brexit adventure, the UK’s crew of voters are getting a jolly good rodgering.

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