Coughs and sneezes spread diseases… or do they? Our government is not just following the science, it is doing the science. It is proposing a nationwide experiment on covid-19 transmission by children.
This is to be achieved by reopening state schools. This goes against all professional advice, and contrary to the opinion of teachers and their unions. But you know, experts, what do they know about politics?
The policy was defended by Education Secretary Gavin Williamson. Surprisingly, the fact that he probably gets his kicks from fondling his pet tarantula, is not the most creepy thing about him. There’s just something about those eyes of his.
“We think that, in the long run, this will be a good thing,” he slithered into his laptop, backed by bookcases filled with books about himself. “We need to determine whether this virus does indeed move through the population, with the British stiff upper lip taking it on the chin. Our brave heroes at the chalkface and their grimy charges will help us study what happens. The hordes of the great unwashed will establish the science, and the numbers, and by staying alert we hope to achieve horde immunity.”
Parents have been reassured too.
“I am anxious to make sure that schools are safe before I send my children back,” said worried parent Fi Paying. “So darling Saskia and little Tobias aren’t going back until enough state school oiks have survived long enough for proof.”
Williamson was anxious to point out that the government would strain every sinew, work night and day, and act quickly and decisively to deflect blame on to any person or individual who dared contradict him. “I’m sorry if you feel differently,” he declared unapologetically. “But this administration was voted in with a huge majority, which means what we say is right. That’s democracy!”
Children and teachers are dying to get back to school. Or possibly the other way round.