Health minister says second national lockdown will turn UK voters into “the sourdough kings of Europe!”

TANGIBLE BENEFITS : WE ALL recall the heady days of the first UK Covid-19 lockdown like it was only yesterday. Because it was.

And now as the infection runs rampant across the country once more it’s time to put away the nostalgia and get ready to make new memories. Stock up on those groceries! Get down to that pharmacy and beat the run on painkillers! Let the dog know he won’t be home alone again. Get ready to make new memories.

“And not just new memories,” a health minister tells LCD Views, “memories? Rhymes with bakeries. Am I right?”

Yes you are!

“And what do you do in bakeries? You make memories.”

This is a rising star!

“The second national lockdown, coming into force any day now, will give all Global Britains the chance to once again practice staying at home. Just the way we like it. And what do you do with day after day indoors alone or with the kids? Why, you bake of course! Splashing each other with flour. Dusting each other with eggs! Rolling one another in milk! The fun doesn’t have to stop just because you’re worrying if you’ll get to a ventilator in time.”

Many Britons did famously turn to baking to pass the time in the first lockdown and it’s perfectly sensible to expect they will do so in the second.

“See the tangible benefits of having disaster capitalists in government? You don’t want this pandemic over in a rush. You want to bake! BAKE! Why, by this time next year I wager Global Britons will be the sourdough kings and queens of Europe!”

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