THERE HAVE BEEN 300,034 974,000 TESTS : There’s a new top search in the United Kingdom this weekend, bumping “How the f*ck does Boris Johnson still have a job?” off the number one slot.
The new number one is “How the f*ck does Priti Patel still have a job?”, which by pushing Johnson into second place has pushed “How the f*ck does Gavin Williamson still have a job?” into third.
“How the f*ck does Robert Jenrick still have a job? is now number four as a result,” our search engine analyst reports, “with ‘What does Liz Truss even do all day?’ stable at five.”
The change in the rankings appears to be a result of all the exposure Ms Patel has received this week, as she took on the media and continued her war against the better angels of our nature.
“You would have thought she would have been driven out of the Conservative Party back when Theresa May fired her for running her own foreign policy agenda, but not so.”
How long Ms Patel will hold onto the Number One is not certain, as Matt Hancock and Nadhim Zahawi are thought to be running on a joint ticket, aimed at moving fast up the league table.
“If Matt and Nadhim can continue to dissemble and confuse the nation with the vaccine roll out they may well share the crown together soon.”
Ms Patel won’t let go of Number One easily though, she’s got refugees to house in damp camps by the sea and a flair for words, and numbers, that will see people scratching their heads as long as she remains in post.
We did ask Ms Patel for comment on her achievement but all she said was “Exterminate. Exterminate.”