TOP OF THE CLASS: Bigly brained small handed alleged President of the USA Donald Trump has triumphed again. He claims to have gained the highest ever score on a covid test.
Normally, 100% is the highest mark attainable on a test. However, in view of the importance of the POTUS, it is believed that some extra hard tests were added.
“GREAT NEWS!” tweeted the triumphant Trump from his high security toilet facility. “I PASSED MY COVID TEST WITH THE HIGHEST EVER SCORE. 125%! THAT’S MORE THAN WASHINGTON, JEFFERSON AND THE GRASSY KNOLL! ALL HAIL THE POTTUS!”
The drivelling Donald droned on, electronically.
“BESTEST! BIGLIEST! BRAINYEST!”
Somebody must have rattled the orange onanist’s cage though, because the tone of his tweets transformed totally from triumph to tantrum.
“SOME SAY THAT YOU CAN’T GET 125% ON A COVID TEST!” he messaged. “WELL, I HAVE NEWS FOR THEM! I GOTTED THE YUGEST EVER SCORE EVER, AND THE LIEING DEMS ARE WELL JELL!”
Everyone, well almost everyone, knows that the covid test only produces three results: positive, negative, and inconclusive.
“POSITIVE! POSITIVE, YOU DELOODED LOONEY TOONS!” His Twitter account almost spat this drivel out. “POSITIVE 125%! MORE POSITIVER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER! IT’S BASIC MATH, FOLKS!”
There are those who question both the physical and the mental health of the man with the nuclear codes. Naturally, Trump went on the offensive.
“I’M FITTER THAN A BUTCHERS DOG!” he insisted. “FITTER THAN ELEVENTY TWELVE BUTCHERS DOGS! AND CATS! AND MOUSES! I HAVE THE BRAIN OF A MAN HALF MY AGE AND HE’S NOT HAVING IT BACK! I NOT EVEN GOT A COVFEFE!”
That’s conclusive, then. Covid is the least of his worries. There can be nothing wrong with a man with no filter, no covfefe, and no idea how to turn off caps lock.
BREAKING: Trump’s application to join MENSA has been turned down. Again.