LESS IS MORE : THE GOVERNING CONSERVATIVE PARTY OF THE UNITED KINGDOM made a bold mark yesterday against the avalanche of snowflakery that threatens to undermine the character of the country’s deprived children.
They did this by voting down a motion from the opposition calling for them to feed children. Never has the moral character of the government been more tested than when faced with the gaunt and hungry faces of innocents who could do with a square meal.
“We had to make a stand,” Tory peer Lord Bastard of Bastard on Bastard told LCD Views, “you feed a starving child one day and he’ll just be back with the begging bowl the next. We didn’t spend the last ten years inflicting austerity unnecessarily on the country just to have to feed the poor children. They need to go out and find a proper job. It’s not our fault they chose their accident of birth so poorly.”
Exactly what work the hungry beggars should do isn’t entirely clear, as the job boom to come from Brexit doesn’t properly kick off until next year. Fruit picking, racketeering and so on.
“If they’ve got the nous to lift themselves out of poverty than they’ll club together and form a PPE company. Or they could be a Test and Trace consultant for seven grand a day. Perhaps a customs agent?” Bastard suggests.
“Don’t be a nurse though. Bugger all money in it.”
Clearly the options are plentiful and the need to avoid a life long dependency on food must be considered.
“You can imagine how rum it will get if we feed them a Christmas dinner?” Bastard finishes, “and if we keep feeding them through their schooling? They maybe able to focus on their studies or chosen sport. We could end up with an oversupply of professional footballers in the country.”